Raoul's Secret
by aly10151
Summary: Alanna is a page and Raoul a squire. He starts to have feelings for Alanna-still thinking she's a boy. Please RR!
1. Raoul's Secret

"Lass, wake up,"

Alanna opened her eyes to see Coram standing above her, looking worried. He sat back with a satisfied sigh when she gave him the smallest of smiles.

"That's a nice bruise ye got. I'd best go get some fresh bandages." Coram said, walking out of the room.

"Alan…it was Ralon, wasn't it?" a deeper voice boomed from the wall. Alanna inclined her head slightly to see Raoul, looking handsome as always in his squire uniform. Surprisingly, he was the only one of her friends in the room. His usually cheerful face was pale when he came over and clasped her hand warmly. "Welcome back. You've been out for four days,"

Alanna sat up with a start, causing pain to rip through her head. She continued to sit and said through gritted teeth, "Four days?! But…I couldn't!" That was all Alanna could muster before she lay back onto her still warm pillow. 

Raoul chuckled. "You did, sure as anything. We've all been worried sick about you,"

"I hope you didn't hurt Ralon. You know the rules... not that it was him." Alanna started to lecture but Raoul silenced her with one finger on her lip. 

"Shush," he commanded, tucking one strand of hair gently behind her ear. He suddenly seemed to realize something for he jumped away, blushing, and stammered that he had to go meet Gary.

__

What was that _all about?_ Alanna wondered. Too tired to think anymore, she feel back against her pillow.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

__

What was I thinking_?!_ Raoul thought angrily. _Ever since Alan fought Ralon in the stables, I've been worried sick about him. What is this?! _Raoul had been in his room, every day, checking up on him, in there even more than Coram. Once, when Coram wasn't in the room, Raoul almost…_kissed_ Alan. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help it. He liked Alan a lot more than any of his friends. But he couldn't continue--the shame it would bring on him, his family, even the prince…. And Alan surely would not want another man. But it got worse every time Raoul laid eyes on that silly lad, looked into those purple eyes…Raoul shook his head. _No _he thought firmly _I won't fall in love with Alan._

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Alan stayed in bed for another day, all the while thinking about how strange Raoul had behaved. He acted like Jon acted did around the ladies he courted--but surely Raoul couldn't know, she'd taken too much care, and plus he surely would've mentioned something to her…or maybe he didn't know…it was too confusing for her to think about in bed. 

The next day, Alanna felt much better thanks to her Gift but her head was still sore from where Ralon had kicked it. Raoul kept avoiding her, never meeting her eyes. He was to leave in a week, and Alanna wanted to get to the bottom of this. But whenever she tried to talk to him, he just mumbled an excuse and scurried off. Again, Alanna wondered how much he knew.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Raoul took care to avoid Alan. He seemed to suspect--or know-that Raoul favored him. But Alan said nothing about it, only trying to engage in a friendly conversation. But Raoul wasn't convinced. Alan had proved himself to be quite a good liar, when he wanted to be. At least Raoul was leaving soon-then he could think without Alan around. 

There was a knock on Raoul's door. He walked over, hoping it wasn't Alan, to find Jon standing there. Jon greeted him with a smile and nod of the head, and walked in, making himself comfortable on his bed. Raoul grinned.

"Comfortable enough, your majesty?" Raoul teased. Jon made a face at him. 

"Actually, I wanted to talk to about Alan," Jon said. Raoul felt his heart speed up. Did Jon know? If he did… would he tell Alan? If he did, no one would ever speak to him again. His father would be furious, his mother never able to show her face in the market. His very own friend's would turn on him. He'd never get his shield. He'd…

"Raoul!" Jon said, his voice a notch higher than usual. Raoul gave his friend a sheepish smile.

"Sorry, Jon, just thinking,"

Jon shook his head, smiling. "Raoul, have you been avoiding Alan? I've noticed him trying to talk to you, but you always leave. And don't give me a bunch of excuses either," Jon said as Raoul opened his mouth to protest, "Alan's just a little guy. He's different, sure, but just… get over whatever you're going through. He misses you." Jon stood up and left the room without another word. 

Raoul stared and shook his head. Strange how Jon could be so helpful and not even know it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Alanna was grooming Moonlight in the stables when she heard Raoul's voice. 

"Alan?" he said, barely more than a whisper.

"Yes?" Alanna asked, glad that he was speaking to her again. Raoul looked right and left and walked up to her.

"Alan…I have to tell you something. No, don't interrupt, it's too important. Alan…I…er…," Raoul faltered, sweating, what ifs trailing through his mind. "Alan…I…er…have to….go. No, I don't…Alan, what I'm trying to say is…I like you. A lot."

Alanna was really confused now. It took all that just to say that he liked her? She didn't get what he meant until he leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

She pushed him away. "Raoul, when did you find out? How? If Coram told you I'll kill him…," she stopped, seeing his puzzled look. "Raoul…you know…that I'm a girl. Why else would you…like me. Like that," Seeing Raoul's expression of complete disbelief, Alanna couldn't help but think that maybe he didn't know.

"You're a…girl? But…how? What? I thought I was falling in love with another man…," Raoul stammered. Alanna realized what she'd just done, giving away her secret and possibly her shield just because of some silly kiss on the cheek. She fled.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Raoul went immediately to his room and lay on the rumpled bedspread. Alan, a girl? But…how? What about his--her--breasts? But if she was telling the truth, that'd be wonderful. It would mean he could court a lady he…likes. No…he couldn't…not many know he's a girl. Gods, this was confusing!

A small, almost timid, knock came upon his door. Raoul sighed and stood up to go answer it, seeing Alan standing there blushing furiously. 

"We need to talk," he--she--said quietly. Raoul invited her in with a wave of the hand.

Alan sat at his desk and cleared his--no, her!--throat. "See, I didn't want to go to convent and become a lady. Thom didn't want to become a knight. So we switched. I came here and he went to the convent to train as a sorcerer. My real name is Alanna of Trebond," Alanna said.

Raoul didn't answer, just got up, walked across the room, and kissed her swiftly on the lips. 


	2. Epilogue

Author's Note-Thanks so much for all the reviews! You're not getting a big long chapter fic, but I will give you an epilogue to let you know how it all turned out.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

April of 433, Right before the Black City

"Alan," Alanna heard the familiar voice call. She smiled. Things had been going great with Raoul. Their relationship had been off-and-on, but still standing strong. None of their friends had a clue. There had been some close encounters, like that one time when Gary caught them just as they were parting with goofy grins on their faces. He had been mighty confused and pestered them for days about it, but they didn't say a word. 

Alanna raced to meet Raoul. There were no words, he just led her into his room. They shared one very brief kiss and Raoul set her down on his bed.

"Alanna…you know I'm to be a knight soon," he paused while Alanna nodded slowly. "Well, were not going to see as much of each other. Also, people would start to wonder why I never danced or flirted with any of the other not-quite-as-lovely-as-you ladies at the court. What I'm trying to say is…is…I think it'd better if we took a break. At least until you become a knight," Raoul stopped here, looking at her with sadness in his eyes. Alanna just shook her head. 

"Raoul, I don't care. Flirt with them anyways. I'm not the jealous type," Alanna said, looking at the floor. Raoul looked pained. Alanna looked up at his desperate eyes and realized he wanted this to work. He was trying to tell her gently, make it easy on her. It wasn't working. Alanna felt tears coming, but she refused to look up at him, even when he said her name in that amazingly deep voice of his. 

Then he hugged her. That one simple little hug made her think. She was being a selfish pig. The least she could do was try it--they may get back together soon. She slowly looked up at him and nodded. _I always knew there was insanity in my family _she thought grimly. Raoul looked relieved as he swept her up and gave her a gentle kiss. A kiss between friends. A good-bye kiss. Alanna smiled at him and left the room. She couldn't seem to find words.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Four years later

Jon was suggesting Gary as her second person to instruct her in knighthood. Her mind immediately jumped to Raoul. But she didn't want Jon to know of their past relationship--she knew how jealous he could get. And Raoul wasn't that great of an actor--he'd have a hard time pretending he didn't already know. Therefore, Alanna agreed that Gary would be a good choice.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Alanna and Raoul remained friends, though not quite as close as before. Raoul attended George and Alanna's wedding and cheered just as loud as everyone else--and Alanna attended Raoul and Buri's wedding with good spirits. 

And they both lived happily ever after.


End file.
